Gravity Review: Armageddon with Clooney

****Spoiler Alert ****

In fact, I prefer Armageddon for its mindless action and completely disposable biodegradable toilet paper type of appeal. You get what you pay for, a Bruce Willis extravaganza.

I would see this movie.

I would see this movie.

However, I found Gravity absolutely ridiculous except for the jaw dropping 3d! This movie’s only strength is its special effects and the bundle of stereotypes it carries would make space-time curve. 

Here is my list of the annoying stereotypes and typical rehashed Hollywood moments that irritated me during the movie:

1) Last I checked it was 2013 and the world kind of figured out that Indians do not bob their heads left/right with an accent so thick that it would block out the sun. But alas, Hollywood thought to pull out that minority who dies in the first 5 minutes cliche for us. Poor Dr.Shariff ( He was not deemed worthy to receive a last name even) had space debris punch a hole in his face.

2) Who writes this stuff? The Russians fucked it up again by blowing their satellite and sending debris that destroys global communications. Seriously? Can we be a little bit original, hmm perhaps a malfunction in the space gear, meteor shower or heck even an alien attack would be better. Russians were the boogie man in the 80s man, you know when Sylvester Stallone was known as Rambo! 

3) The whole thing turned into a melodramatic romance with endless monologues. I like Clooney as an actor but I just did not see the point of him being in this movie. And to really drive the point home…spoiler alert…clooney “lets go”.

4) Bullock curves into a fetal position- movie poster pose -to emphasize some arty moment. Just too commercial, as if someone was trying to shove previously arty shots from our memory into a movie to evoke some kind of awe inspiring moment.

5) The Ruskis keep vodka in their station because you know…that makes sense.

6)The chinese have a little buddha because you know…thats what they do in China. Plus for the movie to ever be on the approved list of foreign movie releases in China it had to appeal to the audience.

7) Everything that can does go wrong in spectacular fashion. And I mean we are talking about Sandra Bullock transforming from a feeble scientist to space-rambo to save her own ass. Frankly, I think most people in that situation would just fuck up and die. I mean, can you imagine how freaky it is being up in space with just 6 months training.

8) As if all of this was not enough, Clooney makes a cameo appearance as a bloody ghost to encourage Sandra Bullock to save her own ass. This is bordering into Bollywood cinema now, enough said.

Seriously, this was a lame story. I guess I was expecting more of a “Sunshine”, ” Solaris”, “Gattaca”, “Moon” kind of movie. Something original. The movie does have amazing special effects and that is the only reason you might want to go see it. But in hindsight, I would skip it even then.

About Mohsin Siddiqui

A strongly opinionated rather ordinary human.
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